11 Plus Writing Examples and Feedback: What Great Writing Actually Looks Like
From AI integration to cross-platform fluency—discover the must-have technical and soft skills for today’s most in-demand dev roles.
by Geek School Admin
One of the quickest ways to improve your child’s writing? Show them the difference between average and excellent. I’ve seen the lightbulb go on so many times – that moment where a child reads a powerful paragraph and says, “I could do that!”
Let me walk you through a real example I use in my sessions.
Prompt: Describe a time you felt nervous.
Version One – Basic Response “I was feeling really nervous. It was the day of my school play. I went on stage and forgot my lines. I was so embarrassed. Everyone looked at me. I was very scared.”
It’s fine. Honest. But it’s also flat. There’s no detail, no emotion, no tension. This is what many first drafts look like.
Version Two – Improved Response “The hall buzzed with chatter as my name was called. My legs felt like jelly. I gripped the script tighter, hoping the words wouldn’t escape me. Under the hot lights, the faces in the audience blurred. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Silence. Then a quiet cough. I swallowed, blinked, and tried again.”
Here, we see:
- Simile (“legs felt like jelly”)
- Personification (“hoping the words wouldn’t escape me”)
- Sensory detail (“buzzed with chatter,” “hot lights”)
- Sentence variation for pace and rhythm
The difference is night and day. The second version puts us inside the moment.
Try This at Home To Improve Your Child’s 11 Plus Writing
Sit with your child and read both versions aloud. Then:
- Ask them to spot the better phrases
- Let them rewrite the weaker version using their own ideas
- Use highlighters to mark where devices like similes or personification appear
Want more help? The Creative Writing Crash Course includes writing prompts and the option to submit work for detailed video feedback – a brilliant way for your child to improve fast.
You can also focus on specific writing tasks with our mini courses:
Each one includes expert guidance and practical activities designed to help your child shine.
Ready to help your child go from “okay” to outstanding? Start with the Creative Writing Crash Course and see the difference in their next piece of writing.
